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Saturday, 7 May 2011

I'm not in love with Judas... the music video, I mean.

But to be clear I'm not in love with the real Judas either. To avoid any misunderstanding.

Well I don't know what's wrong with my blogspot as I can't the video from Youtube here so if you wanna see the video you can click here and you can also go to Lady Gaga's Vevo channel to subscribe.
Now let's start talking bitchery...

Now, if Lady Gaga was to be one of my friend, I swear one day this will happen. She'd come to me and...

Lady Gaga: Oh, (my name), help me! I don't know what else I should do!! First, I've ditch my pants, Then I've oddly (force her to) collaborate with Beyonce. I've grow thinner just thinking about all this! What else should I do other than arriving on the red carpet in a uterus, wearing shoulder patch attached to my shoulder. For the love of God I've even wear prosthetic butt and even prosthetic spider-eyes boobies! People are not paying anymore attention to me now more than they pay attention to that come-back bitch, Britney!

Me: (Putting down my coffee cup with such elegant and poise. You know, if we were to be friend, I always imagine me being the calm and normal one while she being, well, herself. She'll be the one she turned to when she feels like being a normal human being with emotions and feelings and stuff) Why do you say that, Steph?

Lady Gaga: Shusshh!! Don't call me with my real name that loud! You know I don't like it! Geez..

Me: But everyone knows....nevermind. What's the matter now? What happen? Why did you say that?

Lady Gaga: You know how people react when Britney's vid Till The World Ends premiere. They were like, having multiple orgasm! 'OMG, Britney's vid in less than an hour!!!' and stuff like that! Me? Well my fans do feel anticipated and stuff but I want more! More!

Me: Like when people talk about you sampling one of Madonna's song for your  Born This Way and then mencarot all about it in an interview calling yourself fucking genius?

Lady Gaga: But I've already done that! But instead of sampling others' song, I sampled my own song, Bad Romance.

Me: Maybe people are tired of your bad acting skills and you babbling about aliens invasion and stuff. You know, that kind of stuff do get old quick. (then I take a sip of my coffee, while enjoying the green view from my verandah)

Lady Gaga: But I didn't do any acting in this video clip! Not even a dialogue!

Me: (almost choked on my coffee) YOU DIDN'T?

Lady Gaga: No. I just took some time riding with some random bikers who wears bedazzled leather jacket.
Me: You mean, studded?

Lady Gaga: Whatever... Well, that's not the point. I took your advice. I let myself loose. I swear to God I even smile ONCE! Do you hear me? I SMILE!! I'm sincerely having fun and for the first time in my music video, I'm not in pain!

Me: Okayyy..... Now lets talk about your costumes. I mean, dresses.

Lady Gaga: Nah.. I don't remember it that much. My costume was outrageous, as always but it looks kinda cheap and so insignificant I couldn't even remember it. I just remember paying homage to Mickey Mouse once..
...and then to thugs once. You know, with the headband and stuff.
See? Me? Lady Gaga? Paying homage! What more should I do to attract more of you guys' attentions?

Me: Errrr... What about the dancing. I'm sure that's interesting..

Lady Gaga: Well, it's the usual 'my' dance, you know, with the swinging arms and jumping and hopping around in the highest heels. I've gone back to basics. The time when half of the population in the world doesn't hate me. Back to my 'Just Dance' day when I, well, just dance. I swear I did nothing more! No more long, boring video clips. I just dance and have fun because I know that's what my fans love! And I do it because I love them!

And I swallow my last sip of coffee. I think. And I think for a very long five minutes, while staring at an oak tree at my front yard. It doesn't take me that long to figured it all out. But I know the truth will hurt her. I'm torn. But as I gather my strength, I cling to my principles - real friends are also real bitch. And then I spoke up to her. As simple as this.

Me: Why don't you fucking stop making songs about demons?

And by this she gave me a sharp stare. I swallow my saliva. Then, without saying a word, she stormed out of my house. And after this, I know I'll never see her again. I try to chase her but as I arrived at my front door, she had already starting her engine to her uterus-shaped flying saucer and was getting ready to fly. I tried my best to persuade her by shouting: "At least I think the gun lipstick, or lipstick gun was interesting! And original!!!"

But she didn't listen to me and continue to fly away in her errrr... saucer.

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